It’s all about the baby steps. I’ve had a good couple of weeks overall. I have been up and dressed with makeup on every day! I’ve been around the house helping with chores and even contributing to our never ending food purchase, preparation, and cooking conveyer belt, that we have all grown to love so much with healthier living. And I’ve been doing this pretty consistently for the past few weeks. Now, this may not seem like a lot to shout out about, but when you have lived life with depression, chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia, then being part of such seemingly small things, is certainly nothing to scoff at.
The past year has seen me physically disabled like never before. No puff, no energy and ridiculous pain. Walking/sitting/standing/laying was hard. Talking and engaging left me so exhausted. But thankfully it has improved. Improved so much that I’m up with makeup on each day and I’m thinking and having conversations about what I’m going to do with the day. I’m making plans.
Yesterday was a lovely day. I had a morning of getting organised and then I went to my sister’s for coffee with her and my sista cousin. I love it when we get together. The mood is light and we laugh, chat and put the world to rights. I’m never happier than when I’m with these two humans. They make my world a happy place and they have seen me at my most vulnerable. So to share laughs and lighthearted banter for the afternoon, was nothing short of fabulous.
By tea time my body was a wreck. Even just being present for the day and having some fun chatting with my family is enough to cause serious fatigue and pain. So I knew that I wasn’t fit for much else and that an early night was on the cards.
Before bed I always do my skincare routine. It’s my way of relaxing. Pampering in any form is good for the soul as far as I’m concerned. I’ve written about my skincare routine so check it out. I’ve switched it up a bit since then. I’m loving the Pai Skincare range at the moment. They specialise in sensitive skin. I’ve always used the Pai Rose Hip Bioregenerate Oil, but I’m also using their Chamomile & Rosehip Calming Day Cream. This combination has made such a difference to the texture of my skin, that I’m getting compliments left, right and centre. So if
you’ve got sensitive, dehydrated or redness prone skin, I’d highly recommend.
Once the skincare was done I settled down to catch up on social media for a while. I love me some Instagram. Then I read some more of my current favourite book – The Universe Has Your Back, by Gabrielle Bernstein. It’s incredible and a must read for any of you spirit junkies out there. I’ll do a full review when I’m done.
I then cwtched up in bed and I was done.
Lying there got me thinking. The past couple of weeks have shown me that even though my mind is now fully pumped to get back to living again, I had come to the realization that I may never actually get back to that life. I’m just not physically able. At least not whilst these conditions persist. As far as my medics are concerned these are chronic illnesses for life. I do hold tight to the faith that things will change. By whatever means. But it was kinda sobering. I think mental pain had been the most difficult to manage these past 2 years. So the pain and fatigue played second fiddle. But now I feel much stronger mentally, the reality of my physical limitations has become more real. But I will fight on. And in the interim I will manage my life in the best possible way. I will take baby steps. I will thank God for the good days like yesterday and I will rest when the days are too painful.
I’m hoping baby steps will increase my stamina again, and that I will continue to be present, even in the smallest of ways, even if it’s only getting out of bed and reaching for my makeup bag again. Because for anyone who knows me, knows that that bag is my treasure. I love nothing more than getting ready and putting the ‘face’ on.
These days I’m never sure what I’m getting ready for, but at least I’m ready for something. Its a sure indication to me that things are looking up.
Onwards my loves, kiki xox