You Are Enough

You are good enough. Just as you are!

Let that sink in a moment.

Does that make you feel better? Me just saying this?

I remember reading it for the first time and thinking this was the most amazing thing to read. I instantly felt relieved. I didn’t know that for so long I had striven in every aspect of my life to be good enough. To be perfect and to please everyone. I criticised myself to the extreme when I failed to meet my own high expectations.

It was never instilled in me to be perfect. It was never a prerequisite to love. I was loved unconditionally. But as an intelligent child and a high achiever in most areas, somewhere along the line the message got muddled. I thought that to be loved, to be accepted, I had to be perfect. I had to achieve.

So I have striven for perfection in every aspect of my life. Perfect daughter, perfect sister, perfect friend, perfect student, perfect employee. If I wasn’t the best then I would beat myself up.

But let me tell you. Living up to perfection is exhausting. It is not possible to maintain that level of perfection. It is not humanly possible to be perfect in every way. That is saved only for Mary Poppins.

Trying to be perfect or live up to high expectations puts pressure on you that is basically ridiculous.

I know. I was that person.

The truth is there will always be some time when we don’t live up to someone’s expectations. And that’s ok. It doesn’t make you less of a person. It doesn’t make you unloveable.

What’s more important though, is that we have to accept that we can’t always live up to our OWN high expectations of ourselves. These expectations are the most dangerous. This is when we berate ourselves unjustly and unfairly.

The pressure you put on yourself to be better, is a sure route to anxiety and stress. If you think about it you are subconsciously driving for perfection wherever you go for fear of not being good enough. For fear of failing. For fear of not being liked or not being loved. When you look at it now, you see that all of these things are bound up by some sort of fear.

There will always be judgement. Everyone has an opinion. Someone will always think you’re not smart enough, or pretty enough or tough enough. And that’s ok. They are entitled to their opinion. It’s how we react that matters. It’s the opinion we hold of ourselves that is THE most important. We must have a higher opinion of ourselves. We must accept that we are good enough even if we are flawed. Even if sometimes we are not perfect or we don’t meet these high expectations

So just be who you are. You are just fine just as you are. You do not need to try so hard. Those that love you, love you anyway. Those that don’t love you, probably never did. It is their choice. It is not for you to be trying to change their mind by trying so hard to please them.

I once read an article about a girl sitting watching the ducks and swans on the lake. She had a decision to make on whether to continue her study as an actress where she was judged harshly every day, or take up a new career with less focus on criticism. Whilst she watched the ducks she realised in that moment that she wanted to be a duck. Not a care in the world, never worrying what others thought, never comparing itself to the swans. The duck just was, in all its ordinariness and clumsiness. And in that moment she decided that was how she wanted to be. Care free. Without care for the judgement of others. And no further judgement on herself.

I found this article hugely uplifting. I wanted to be a duck too. And so I have become a duck. I no longer aim to please everyone – that aim was just too high. I no longer try to be perfect. Today I still do my best, but I no longer worry unnecessarily what others think. And I no longer worry that if I don’t meet expectations, that I won’t be loved. I know, to those who are important, I am loved anyway.

I am enough. Just as I am. This has given me immeasurable freedom and peace of mind. I am free to just be me, as I am. No pressure. And I no longer criticise myself. I accept who I am, just as I am.

So when the critical thoughts come. When you didn’t meet perfection. Remember the duck. He doesn’t strive to be perfect. He is who he is. And that’s enough. And so are you.

Let me know your thoughts.

Onwards and upwards my loves.

Kiki xxx

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