About Me

Welcome to The Beauty in the Darkness. I am Kiki. I am a forty-something retired Online Content Editor and Adviser. And I’m a Law Grad. But more importantly, I am a Daughter, a Granddaughter, a Sister, an Auntie, a Godmother and a good friend to many. I am fiercely passionate. I am a feminist and I believe that together us women are stronger. I come from a very long line of strong, passionate, kind, family-orientated and formidable women. I have faith in myself (most of the time), but more importantly I have faith in God.

The Beauty in The Darkness is my place for sharing all I know about living with and overcoming mental health dis-ease, living life beyond the restriction of chronic illness and generally trying to be upbeat and positive about life, even when it’s throwing you curveballs.

For several years now my life has been dogged by ill health and at times I felt myself sinking. Afraid that I would never come back. I thought I had already hit the bottom back in my early twenties, when crippling depression and anxiety hit me for the first time. But I did not know that, for the greater part of my life, I would be affected in some way by my mental health.

I had serious episodes of depression and chronic anxiety at the ages of 21, 28, 35 and again at 42. Each episode was different. Each lasted a little longer than the one before. But up until my physical health became a problem, I lived through it and beyond it and lived a truly full and wonderful life.

I have had a great career, I have studied, I have travelled the world and I have had too many good times whilst drunk on Prosecco, with precious family and friends.

My poor body has had a lot to contend with. So even though I am the proud owner of Fibromyalgia, M.E. & PCOS, I smile! A lot! Because, what other choice do we have? I pride myself on my ability to turn a negative to a positive and to holding onto only the good things in life.

I retired from full time work in 2014. 10 years now. I simply was unable to keep up physically. I have spent the past few years adjusting every aspect of my life to fit my physical limitations and always managing my mental health.

I launched The Beauty in the Darkness back in the autumn of 2014. At the time I had just retired from work and this huge idea came to me; that I could marry my passions for online content creation and all things mental health. And also share a bit of my love of beauty and style. So I designed the website and began blogging. I began sharing tips and advice for living. I also grew a large social media following and had a tribe of #beauties.

But I didn’t know that mentally I would be hit so hard again. And my physical strength would fall to almost nothing. I was mostly bed bound and house bound for almost 2 years.

I continued to write, but the posts became more of a ‘Dear Diary’ and  less and less of my positive spirit and the original uplifting advice I wanted to share. And posts were less and less frequent as my health plummeted.

But thankfully by the grace of God, medicine, prayer, family and some major life changes, in the Summer of 2018 I finally felt a deep change. I felt myself coming back.

It has been a slow but hugely powerful and awakening journey. I journeyed inward. I danced with the demons and threw light on my darkest parts. And I finally felt as though a huge part of me was healing. I started to love myself again and my confidence slowly started to build.  

Summer came and I enjoyed the sun on my face. Autumn was peaceful, happy and joyful. And so each day, week, month and year since then, I have continued my healing journey. Using every tool I knew of and plenty of new ones too.

My life is still restricted. Physically I never know from one day to the next, how I’m going to feel. There are still many days when I don’t leave my bed. And a week can pass without mixing with the real world. But I’ve found balance and peace where I am. My life looks nothing like it used to. But I am so content and happy (most of the time). My focus is my family.

My writing has been sporadic. But again, since early 2024 I feel another shift and I’m drawn to the blog and sharing what I’ve learned these past 10 years.

The Beauty in the Darkness is where all parts of me come together; my creativity, my passions, my skills and my drive. But most importantly my drive to make a difference. To share what I’ve learnt on this road to healing. In the hope that it helps even one person.

It has been my experience, that even through the darkness, something beautiful always comes. So whilst it is the hardest thing to experience, some good does come of it. Whether it be your empathy for yourself and others or your ability to face adversity like nothing else. There will always be something good, you just have to find it.

And I hope when you go through these pages, it shows you how.

Beauty presents itself in my life now in so many ways. It really is in the small things. These are the things that at one time I missed. Or maybe I just wasn’t looking or i took them for granted. For me now i still love beauty, style, and fashion but have found new joy in quiet, stillness, meditation, yoga, walks, nature, books, cups of tea and just being here with my family. My party days are truly behind me. But I still love a great get together occasionally and laughing and enjoying the company of those I love. 

My greatest wish for this blog, has always been, that it reaches out to as many people as possible who suffer in similar ways. But also that the blog makes a difference in a world of chaos and pain and that this blog is something special not just to me, but to you too.

I look forward to continuing to write for you.

Now go read some great stuff from the Archives whilst I get about creating the new. My Story tells you all about the first part of my journey. If you are concerned for yourself or a loved one, and think they may be depressed and/or anxious then please read my post ‘What do I do if I think I’m Depressed?‘ Then follow through on the next few posts. My most popular post ever is ‘You Are Good Enough’. If you’re on a mobile then you can also hit the little menu icon up top for My Inspiration, My Bookshelf reading list and much more.

Huge hugs from me to you.

Onwards