Sometimes our lives feel totally out of control. It happens to me all the time. Because of physical limitations and mental anguish, there are days that I feel I have no control over anything. It’s these days where I feel at my worst. My self confidence drops, I have no enthusiasm and certainly no motivation.
When I have some semblance of control over my life and my choices, I generally feel so much better.
Motivation is crucial. If you’re not motivated you won’t achieve anything. So working on yourself can lead to a more motivated, happy you.
Now, there are days that this can’t happen. My body won’t allow it. I don’t have the physical energy nor the will to motivate myself. This may be true of you too. But as soon as things improve, I try to get back on the wagon.
Here are a few things you can do to start feeling better about yourself and your life:
Admit how you feel.
Give yourself a break and acknowledge what’s wrong. By simply realising you’re melting down, you can give yourself back some strength. Running around, as though your coping with the ten million balls you’re juggling, is not helping you.
Take a step back. Re-focus. Re-energise. Simply note that there is too much going on. There is too much noise in your head. And there are too many demands on you. By just saying this you immediately feel relief. You don’t have to be superwoman or superman. You are human. You have a limit. And you have your own needs. Just acknowledge it. Acknowledge that you deserve to be happy too.
A good place to start is by not comparing yourself to others. In today’s world of social media and social interaction, it is easy to think that every other person has it together. And from this you deduce that you are the only one falling apart. Newsflash! Everyone is the same. Each person has their own bag of worries and responsibilities. Some appear to sail through much more easily than others, but that doesn’t change the fact that they have periods when they fall apart. So stop comparing your life to everyone else’s. Acknowledge your own pain and things will start to get better.
Life gets out of hand sometimes. Family, children, work, friends, health, housework, career goals, hobbies, fitness, the list is endless. Everything needs our time and attention. But if you’re feeling unhappy within yourself then these things will start to feel like burdens. Everything is taking a piece of you. And rather than them being positive attributes to a happy and fulfilling life, they just add to the list of drains on your energy.
Taking time out to get organised is crucial. It will make a world of difference. To-do lists, diaries and planners and general organising, all make for great tools to get your life in order.
Start small. Writing everything down gets it out of your head. Then you can really see what you have to do. Get yourself a notebook and write everything down. Every aspect of your life that needs your attention. Once you know what you have to do, then you schedule. Getting a planner is a really easy way to organise your time. You can code it for tasks, people, events. Whatever works for you. Family calendars and family schedules work really well so everyone knows where they are and whats expected of them.
NB. It’s really important in this schedule to make time for yourself. If you can’t function because of stress, then you are no use to anyone. Sometimes you have to put yourself first. By doing this you become a happier and more effective person to everyone you touch. So schedule in ‘me time’. Make this anything that makes you feel good and recharged.
Stop being negative. Easier said than done. But, by changing your outlook to optimism rather than pessimism, you can change your whole feeling towards your life. It’s the whole, glass half empty, half full, scenario.
Naturally positive people do exist. I’m pretty positive most of the time even though I suffer with depression. I’ve always been pretty positive. But I too have days where everything is doom and gloom. I feel sorry for myself, I get down on myself and I beat myself up.
When I get this way, firstly, I recognise it. Then I make changes to my way of thinking. Being grateful is always high on my agenda and changes how I look at everything. So I start thinking about what I have, rather than what I don’t have. See my post on gratitude. Also saying positive words to yourself on a regular basis is really effective. Turning your negative self talk to positive is really powerful. See my post on affirmations.
Letting go of negative influences
We all have people in our lives that can drain us. Whether that’s our time or our energy. Energy zappers are no good for anyone who is already running on a low battery. If you have people in your life that make you feel bad, then really you shouldn’t be around them. This is not always possible. That manager in work who sucks you dry, can’t be avoided. But what you can do is protect yourself by reducing the amount of time you spend with these people. Keep it limited and controlled. When you’re in their company remember your own strength and remember you’re own needs.
Talk it out
Talk with someone you love and trust.
Time spent with your nearest and dearest is real great soul food. Time with loved ones and telling them how you feel is really effective in releasing some of your tension. A coffee shared with your besties can solve a million problems. You reconnect with who you are as a person and not just as a person fulfilling a million different roles, with a million different problems.
Remembering to share time with those who uplift you, who see the best in you. Spending time with those who truly want the best for you, and bring out the best in you, is time well spent. Its guaranteed to make you happy.
Laughing with old friends is truly magical medicine.
Look after your physical needs
Eat well, do some exercise, take supplements and drink plenty of water
When I’m struggling mentally and physically my diet and healthy way of life can easily slip. I lose control of eating well, of doing my yoga and generally looking after my physical well-being.
When I’m in the ‘zone’ of control, everything goes well. I eat nutritionally good food, I cut out bad food groups, I practice yoga and I drink plenty of water. When I’m in this zone I am a happy Kiki. I feel great. My skin looks great. And I have an air of happiness and contentment about me. It’s only when my health turns with a flare up, or I can’t get out of bed for the fatigue, that then my control slips.
I don’t beat myself up about it any more. I just acknowledge it. Then I start work to get back in the ‘zone’ as soon as I can.
Making your physical strength a priority will pay you back tenfold. Start small if you have to. But any small change is a positive step to a happier and healthier you.
Do something nice for yourself
Like I said in the section on organising; planning and scheduling time out for yourself is key.
What do you love to do? What really gives your soul pleasure. Whatever it is. Do it! As often as you can. It could be a manicure. A facial. Shopping or spending time with friends. Exercising, cooking, being in nature or travel. Whatever it is make sure you make time to do it. It’s an investment not just in yourself, for yourself. But an investment for those around you too.
Have a Routine.
Having a routine was always something I loved. Since retiring from work, my routine has been literally whatever the day brings. I have been afforded the luxury of going with the flow. But this comes at a price. I have had no routine. But of recent weeks I have started with small things such as waking the same time every day. Doing some exercise every day. Making my morning smoothie every day. Putting some make-up on every day. Whatever the morning routine is, or the daily routine or the evening routine. Make sure you have one. Your body will thank you for it, as will your soul.
Having a routine enables you to be organised, more productive and generally feel in control again instead of being pulled with the tides, a million different ways. Refer back to your schedule and planner and try to stick with it.
I hope this has given you some ideas. They are really small steps but they can really help you to feel on top of things again. Do you have any tips for staying happy? Please leave comments below.
Onwards and upwards my loves. Kiki xox